Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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