so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
