..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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