I have demons in me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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