You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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