so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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