I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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