Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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