you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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