you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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