So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
