btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
