It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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