I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
