could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
