Porn is love you can see.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love having hate sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
