it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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