I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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