I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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