I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
