I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
