Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is Oprah even human
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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