You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
