I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
