PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
