in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
