"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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