the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
