What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
