I molested 6 butterflies tonight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
