you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
