i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
