i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
