just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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