dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
