Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
they're like a gay fantastic four
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
