i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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