these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
