is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize