I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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