me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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