my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
