It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
