Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
