Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
