I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
