ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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