Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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