we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
