One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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