His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
